She is a free sprit and wants to fly but she feels stuck. She cannot move forward because of the structured network that looks like a fence. She feels imprisoned in a cage. Longing for her freedom. She holds onto the fence and looks through the wires with watery eyes. Imagining in vain that the outer wold will take away the fence. But why is nobody around? Why is nobody listening to her cry for help? She feels left out, forgotten, abandoned. Here she is, stuck in the cage. Alone. Nothing but herself.
“So now I know that I don’t have to search outside of me.”
Her grip on the wires start to loosen. She suddenly feels like searching for help into the outside world is a useless effort. She has put her energy in searching for others to help her break free. But now she realizes that there is no one out there to help her. She paradoxically starts to relax. Her tension softens. So now I know that I don’t have to search outside of myself. There is only me that I can count on. She feels tears, the tears of having felt alone and of not being able to step out of the cage and fly to the ones she wants to receive love from.
Out of the blue another exit appears. It doesn’t lead to the outside world, but to somewhere else. She finds a door, grabs the handle and opens it. A narrow and pitch-dark tunnel appears. There is no other choice but to go in here, other than waiting in the cage forever and ever. Even though she doesn’t have a clue what this new opening will bring her, she feels automatically attracted to the dark tunnel. Her body shivers, feeling a certain kind of excitement. By stepping forward into the tunnel she needs to let go of the wired fence she was holding onto. She feels fear, because what will happen when I let go of my known feelings and emotions? Letting go of this wired fence will bring me insecurity. What will happen next? I don’t know. What will I feel next? I don’t know.
A shiver runs through her body again, like a sparkling energy spiraling up from her belly, along her spine. Like lightening up her spine. Her fingers loosen the grip of the fence and her body relaxes. She can now let go of her search for appreciation, her search for approval, her search for love. A big sigh of relief moves through her body. It feels like she can let go of the always pressuring ‘work’ to focus on the outside world, outside of this cage. Like yelling into a vast void.
Into the unknown
I can now go my way, letting go of the wired fence. I stap through the door and feel grief. Grief of abandoning the known. I feel guilty to leave it behind. But there is nothing anyway. So what am I waiting for? My throat feels tensed. Scared of what will happen when I walk into the tunnel. And there is the feeling of excitement again, like golden sparkles in the dark. Like a golden light at the end of the tunnel. I make my first step forward, into the darkness. Not knowing what will happen next. Will scary animals attack me?
“But one thing I know is that I don’t want to be kept imprisoned any longer, so my only choice is out.”
Nevertheless I feel a growing peace inside of me. I take my next step. I feel like a child learning how to walk. Blindfolded. Not seeing my path, so I could fall. My mind is searching for something to hold onto: securities along my path. But my body feels determined. Focussed on the next step, feeling my body and the sensations of both fear and my deep desire to break free. It feels like escaping a prison by night, crossing the patrolled grounds around it, not knowing what kind of traps are awaiting me. But one thing I know is that I don’t want to be kept imprisoned any longer, so my only choice is out.
My body feels relaxed now. Something invisible is walking next to me and holding my hand to guide me in the pitch darkness. I feel tears behind my eyes. I am touched to feel someone / something invisible being present next to me. Am I worth it that this ‘someone’ holds my hand and guides me on my way? I feel safe and protected, even though it feels like a thin line, easy to lose. The hand tells me to trust the guidance. “Focus on this moment and feel your own presence. Feel the peace inside of you”. My mind is again trying to grasp securities, but the guidance invites me to come back into my body and feel the trust in the unknown.
“The time is now to pick any color and start drawing my path.”
Ready to play
And then suddenly a lightning moves along my spine. My mind is empty, like a white and light balloon floating with me like a weightless follower, totally surrendering to the leader. The leader feels stronger now she gets all the trust to step forward. Suddenly a light is turned on and the black tunnel changes into a white and vast field of light. Endless possibilities, like a blank page to draw my new life. Everything is possible. There is no right or wrong. Every possible color is awaiting me, like a rainbow that drops out of the sky, in service of creating my heartfelt desires, my sparkling and joyful life.
The time is now to pick any color and start drawing my path. Step by step. Nothing can go wrong, it’s like I create my own film with every step I take. I feel at home in this field of creation. Like I have always been the creator of my life, the artist of my love. I feel comfortable and free. Ready to play as an innocent child.
Credits artist: MIA Studio (shutterstock.com)